Monday is the new Friday

See what happened there? I decided to write formally (see: capitalization). Nothing to distract you from my pure & unadulterated thoughts. If you're concerned that what is probably my first "real" post is about a reality television show journey, then you would be human. I solemnly swear that I am up to no good & will post something at least 4 other human beings find interesting before the week's end.

Monday is definitely the new Friday, except I still have to wake up & come to work on Tuesdays, so there's that. There are (sadly) truly few things I enjoy more than ABC's Bachelor Nation franchise. Welcome to my weekly round-up of all things Bachelor / recap of sorts of episode 3.

Selma gets the first date, & I'm pretty sure she is as close to perfectly beautiful as humanly possible.

(via wetpaint.com)

Please note: I'm immediately confused & distracted by the GIANT bump in her pony.. Is that a bump-it? Do people really use those? Surely someone as beautiful as she is can manage hair + clothing from this decade... but I digress. Thoughts about this date:
- This ish is straight out of the Parent Trap & there ARE certainly some twins present, though not our    good friend LiLo..
- We quickly learn she's Iraqi & from a Muslim family, kudos to ABC, because they really brought the diversity this season. I'm excited to see what I hope is a positive representation of herself & her culture in a reality television show (because I'm a nerd like that).
- We then learn she's not allowed to kiss. Which I'm not thinking does much to make Muslims seem any more normal to the 90% of Americans who don't understand much outside of their 3 foot radius.
- Sean is somehow super into this.. & I quote from his weekly People.com blog:

"The no-kissing thing made our relationship more exciting because I had something to look forward to."

Clearly Sean has never seen the Virgin Diaries on TLC ... BUT, Selma gets the rose & we move onto the group date! Sean informs his lovely ladies they'll be roller-derbying, which doesn't at all seem like a major liability / awful idea for women about to claw each other's eyes out anyways.

- The Amanda-Tierra pact of evil, manipulative, roller derby queens is terrifying.

- Karma strikes and sadly Amanda breaks her jaw hurts her face on the ground & is taken to the hospital. Was anyone else eerily squeamish when the only words she can muster are "I'll be back" as the mini-van pulls away (sidenote: ABC, mini-vans, REALLY? what's up this season? I'll now be including a mini-van count each week)

- Roller Derby cancelled, so we all put on our best hooker heals & head to the rooftop pool.

- Amanda reappears like a vision in a full J.Crew ensemble... & "milks" her injury for all it's worth, until ..

- She is out-milked by Tierra's mini meltdown, which earns our resident Tierra-rist the rose. Doesn't Sean know not to reward bad behavior?

THEN we come to the prostitute, I mean Pretty Woman themed date ..

- I really disliked ALL the dress choices (though I usually love Badgley Mischka, what gives?), but I'm pretty sure Leslie H. chose THE WORST.

(via @RachTrue_ on Twitter)

- Then, none of her accessories matched.. That she chose. Immediately after choosing the dress..

- She's a super fun girl, but as soon as Sean said he was hoping something WOULD click, I knew she was going home, because nothing had clicked yet.

- Leslie leaves, but she seems relatively normal & pretty awesome, so I'm sure she'll do well for herself out in the world.

Rose Ceremony highlights:

- Sarah Herron has pretty amazing style & I'm SO into her fishtail braid, I'm rocking one today!! She (as always) looks absolutely stunning & flawless.

(via Possessionista - Blog I LOVE)

- Amanda's lookin' about as cray as I usually think her smile makes her seem.. Now, I do love a vampy lip, but what's happening with her hair? Also the dark, dark lipstick is not doing much for the dark bruise you can see on her chin (I actually feel really bad for her for having to try & cover that bad boy up on national television & simultaneously going home)

- We finally see more of Catherine, BUT I'm pretty sure she is actually in hooker heels.. are those clear plastic acrylic bottoms on your coral shoes? She is very endearing though, so I'll let it slide.

- I hope I NEVER hear another come-on involving chocolate EVER again. Ever.

- I still don't know who Daniella or the red-headed cosmetics girl are.. maybe next week?

So, our casualties this week are Amanda & Leslie H. To the rest of the ladies, may the odds be ever in your favor, or at least they've brought you into next week's double feature (that's right, 2 episodes in 2 nights, in ONE week).. which I'm wayyy too creepily excited about. 

-a